I asked today in class why they can't come up with some decent analytical solutions to the differential equations for neuron membrane potentials, but my professor didn't really give me a good response (he also keeps telling us we should say "yes to drugs" aka TTX and wears multiple tie-dye Grateful Dead T-shirts, so I'm still skeptical).
I know there's a bajillion variables involved, and perhaps interpolating better accounts for environmental factors, but seriously after all these years and all these membranes, you'd think someone would have spent a little time on an analytical solution. I want a real reason why. But I don't want to research it so I just want someone to tell me.
I also want some quantum entanglement miracle to change my MCAT score so I don't have to take the blasted test again. I'm so sick of studying for it and I'm so sick of the dumb thing. I hate it. I really, really, really don't want to take it again. It is truly unfortunate the so much of my future depends on my performance on it. I'm not sure who came up with this standardized system, but he and I are having a little talk once we get to heaven.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
division lines
I think that I once read that in ancient times the Olympic games were used as a mode of political union, a way to bring the separating factions of the world together again.
I was watching the parade the other day, and I realized that while it may be nominally possible for all the different nations to march in some form (I'm glad Taiwan got some form of representation out of China for instance), putting labels on things can't really fix things anymore. Some prejudices run too deep. I think we've come too far to fix them with a parade or some games. But I don't know what the solution is. It makes me sad.
My x-boyfriend's sole goal in life is to unify the Middle East. I wouldn't tell him this (although I'm sure he suspects it), but I don't think he'll succeed, even though he is one of the most compassionate, determined people I know. And that also makes me sad.
I was watching the parade the other day, and I realized that while it may be nominally possible for all the different nations to march in some form (I'm glad Taiwan got some form of representation out of China for instance), putting labels on things can't really fix things anymore. Some prejudices run too deep. I think we've come too far to fix them with a parade or some games. But I don't know what the solution is. It makes me sad.
My x-boyfriend's sole goal in life is to unify the Middle East. I wouldn't tell him this (although I'm sure he suspects it), but I don't think he'll succeed, even though he is one of the most compassionate, determined people I know. And that also makes me sad.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
philanthropic obligation
Somewhere in the world, hundreds and thousands of bodies are lying in the streets, being shoved into once-sealed crypts, and millions of living people are sleeping on the concrete mourning those they love. And what am I doing? Sitting in my nice house, studying for the MCAT (which will kill me someday, quite soon actually).
A lot of people, usually those that are affluent, don't feel any real obligation towards those less fortunate, or at least they don't act on it, so they can't take it that seriously. I think the wealth disparities in the world, especially the differences between third world countries and countries like the United States, but even the difference between poverty and affluence in the United States, are proof of that. People think that if they work hard for their money, they deserve it. A lot of people also seem to subscribe to the "rags to riches" belief that anyone, through hard work, can rise from poverty (like in "the pursuit of happyness"). While that is true on rare occasions with individuals that are poor due to a fixable bad work ethic, so many people are bogged down by circumstances that go beyond what they have power to change. Although most people look down on homeless people as being alcoholics and drug addicts, 1. those aren't easy addictions to kick and there's no reason they should be denigrated for having a hard time with it and 2. they often have mental issues that make kicking such habits or holding a job difficult.
Anyway, what I mean by all this and which I must say before my broken-fan computer explodes is that I do believe everyone who has a cent more money or an hour more time than his neighbor, whether that's his neighbor in the US or in some other country, has a moral obligation to give. Not even just a little, but a lot. People look down on my "socialist" ideas, but quasi-socialist countries have been deemed the happiest on earth (I think I'm speaking of Sweden). I am leery of pushing my moral ideas on others, but I think that philanthropic duty is a moral absolute. That being said, I think that only each individual can decide how much he can feasibly give, and that his choice should be respected without question. In the end, I'm not the judge. In my opinion, we'll eventually all face God. But even if you take God out of the picture, I think that we should all love each other, and if we love each other, donating time and money is a logical conclusion.
Not that I'm really acting out my philosophy at the moment, but considering all my money for school etc comes from my parents still, and considering I need an MD to do what I want to do (doctors without borders), I don't have a ton of money to spare. But I really want to start volunteering at the homeless shelter I go to with more of my time and spending less of it on me.
My singular new year's resolution this year is to be less selfish. While I know that's a terrible resolution because it has no tangible benchmarks or definable ending, I believe that I know myself well enough to tell whether I am progressing, and things like spending more of my time volunteering are realistic outcomes of my goal. But it's not just volunteering... it's volunteering unselfishly and for the right reasons. I don't think it's a moral action just because it's a utilitarian outcome; the intent has to be there.
It's all very difficult, and the more I try to act unselfishly, the more I fear my motives are selfish. It is my life goal to eradicate my selfishness and self absorption. That is also something only I can keep tabs on. But I fear that right now I am far from my goal.
A lot of people, usually those that are affluent, don't feel any real obligation towards those less fortunate, or at least they don't act on it, so they can't take it that seriously. I think the wealth disparities in the world, especially the differences between third world countries and countries like the United States, but even the difference between poverty and affluence in the United States, are proof of that. People think that if they work hard for their money, they deserve it. A lot of people also seem to subscribe to the "rags to riches" belief that anyone, through hard work, can rise from poverty (like in "the pursuit of happyness"). While that is true on rare occasions with individuals that are poor due to a fixable bad work ethic, so many people are bogged down by circumstances that go beyond what they have power to change. Although most people look down on homeless people as being alcoholics and drug addicts, 1. those aren't easy addictions to kick and there's no reason they should be denigrated for having a hard time with it and 2. they often have mental issues that make kicking such habits or holding a job difficult.
Anyway, what I mean by all this and which I must say before my broken-fan computer explodes is that I do believe everyone who has a cent more money or an hour more time than his neighbor, whether that's his neighbor in the US or in some other country, has a moral obligation to give. Not even just a little, but a lot. People look down on my "socialist" ideas, but quasi-socialist countries have been deemed the happiest on earth (I think I'm speaking of Sweden). I am leery of pushing my moral ideas on others, but I think that philanthropic duty is a moral absolute. That being said, I think that only each individual can decide how much he can feasibly give, and that his choice should be respected without question. In the end, I'm not the judge. In my opinion, we'll eventually all face God. But even if you take God out of the picture, I think that we should all love each other, and if we love each other, donating time and money is a logical conclusion.
Not that I'm really acting out my philosophy at the moment, but considering all my money for school etc comes from my parents still, and considering I need an MD to do what I want to do (doctors without borders), I don't have a ton of money to spare. But I really want to start volunteering at the homeless shelter I go to with more of my time and spending less of it on me.
My singular new year's resolution this year is to be less selfish. While I know that's a terrible resolution because it has no tangible benchmarks or definable ending, I believe that I know myself well enough to tell whether I am progressing, and things like spending more of my time volunteering are realistic outcomes of my goal. But it's not just volunteering... it's volunteering unselfishly and for the right reasons. I don't think it's a moral action just because it's a utilitarian outcome; the intent has to be there.
It's all very difficult, and the more I try to act unselfishly, the more I fear my motives are selfish. It is my life goal to eradicate my selfishness and self absorption. That is also something only I can keep tabs on. But I fear that right now I am far from my goal.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
insanities
I guess this kind of belongs in my other blog (it's kind of personal for this one), but it's crazy. This weekend two couples from my church got engaged (one girl younger than me), and my best friend from childhood. I don't know what's happening to the world. It makes me miss my boyfriend a lot, but more than that it makes me think people have truly lost their minds. We're so young! Us Mormons... marrying like rabbits. Wait, that doesn't make sense. Hmm...
I think I will just have to give up on medical school and go live on the streets in a cardboard box. So much for trying to help the people that live on the streets in cardboard boxes. If only I didn't panic whenever I saw a chemistry problem. Biology, verbal reasoning, and writing are all up to par. Physics is iffy, but I think I can get it there with some studying. Chemistry... chemistry and global poverty are the bane of my existence.
I think I will just have to give up on medical school and go live on the streets in a cardboard box. So much for trying to help the people that live on the streets in cardboard boxes. If only I didn't panic whenever I saw a chemistry problem. Biology, verbal reasoning, and writing are all up to par. Physics is iffy, but I think I can get it there with some studying. Chemistry... chemistry and global poverty are the bane of my existence.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
some folks, they never learn
This is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've seen in months. If I've claimed that before, I was lying. Here it is.
I was watching television with my father the other night when a commercial for these came on, and I must say I was appalled, especially by the woman that said, "now I can even smoke around my kids without giving them any secondhand smoke." Sure, it's important not to blow smoke in your kids' lungs. I agree. It's a step up. But how about providing a positive image? How about not smoking around your kids at all simply because it shows them that smoking isn't cool or normal, not something that should be part of their daily lives?
I don't get our society sometimes. If you're going to kill yourself, fine, do it with rolled up paper. Don't bother with electronics. Obviously you're not up with the era if you're smoking anyway because cigarettes do nothing but kill you quickly.
That's why I just don't get it when I see kids smoking at MIT. I mean, your IQ is probably above 140. Why are you coating your lungs in tar?
And Merry Christmas, by the way.
I was watching television with my father the other night when a commercial for these came on, and I must say I was appalled, especially by the woman that said, "now I can even smoke around my kids without giving them any secondhand smoke." Sure, it's important not to blow smoke in your kids' lungs. I agree. It's a step up. But how about providing a positive image? How about not smoking around your kids at all simply because it shows them that smoking isn't cool or normal, not something that should be part of their daily lives?
I don't get our society sometimes. If you're going to kill yourself, fine, do it with rolled up paper. Don't bother with electronics. Obviously you're not up with the era if you're smoking anyway because cigarettes do nothing but kill you quickly.
That's why I just don't get it when I see kids smoking at MIT. I mean, your IQ is probably above 140. Why are you coating your lungs in tar?
And Merry Christmas, by the way.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
you know things are bad when...
1. you drop your lemonade in the dining hall and it shatters everywhere. as you go to clean it up in front of about forty (no exaggeration) gaping, stressed college kids, you realize your flip-flops have mu (coefficient of friction) of zero, and you fall on your butt in the pool of lemonade, emerging dripping in the sticky substance. Someone comes running with a broom and tries to shoo off the crowd by saying, "move on, move on, nothing to see here!" which is something we said in like second grade when someone fell off the jungle gym and scraped his knee. (true story of my evening.)
2. you forget to include the hallogen in the reagents for your alpha hallogenation reaction. (on the last test i forgot the reducing agent on my acylation reduction reaction. sad...)
4. the farther i get in my education, the more i realize that my most profound handicap is my inability to count in stressful situations.
after sleeping for three days, i've finally caffeinated myself enough to *start* studying for my chem test in nine hours.
i HATE finals. they always lower my grades significantly because i'm too burned out to push through it.
2. you forget to include the hallogen in the reagents for your alpha hallogenation reaction. (on the last test i forgot the reducing agent on my acylation reduction reaction. sad...)
4. the farther i get in my education, the more i realize that my most profound handicap is my inability to count in stressful situations.
after sleeping for three days, i've finally caffeinated myself enough to *start* studying for my chem test in nine hours.
i HATE finals. they always lower my grades significantly because i'm too burned out to push through it.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
finals/stranger loops
Suppose you one day think about the statement, "only fools argue with fools."
there's some kind of strange loop in that.
i need to think about it
(inspired by my fortune in my fortune cookie: "never argue with fools." as i decided before i opened it that it was going to predict my success in finals this week, it was a little hard to interpret it. i interpret it as follows: the graders of my tests need not take any points off. it doesn't pay to argue with fools :-) ).
there's some kind of strange loop in that.
i need to think about it
(inspired by my fortune in my fortune cookie: "never argue with fools." as i decided before i opened it that it was going to predict my success in finals this week, it was a little hard to interpret it. i interpret it as follows: the graders of my tests need not take any points off. it doesn't pay to argue with fools :-) ).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
