a secret of sorts

So here's something about me that's troubling on a good day: I really have no idea at all what I think about homosexuality. On one hand my best friend is bisexual, and I know it's not something she decided or something she can fix. So I definitely believe that I guess. But I don't know if marriage etc is wrong or not. It makes sense to me (see my much earlier post) on a secular note that marriage should be allowed, but on a religious note I have no idea. And my religion has more vehemently opposed gay marriage legally I think than most.

I'm just not sure what to think. I mean, do I think it's wrong, even though it's natural? I have no idea. I am told that I should. It's very frowned upon my church at this moment to not go along with the church's stance about proposition 8 and just homosexuality in general. But I don't feel like I have a strong enough testimony either way to really make a stand. And that is actually significantly problematic given my religion's views of take the whole thing or leave it.

But looking my best friend in the face, looking several of my other friends that are gay in the face, and telling them I think it's wrong is a very thorny issue for me. Because I know them, and I know it's just the way they feel. I don't believe they can really help it at all. And what kind of a God would make it necessary to constantly, every day, to the point of misery, defy what you feel? Not the God I believe in, I think.

I don't know. I'm thoroughly confused.

I would say something philosophically interesting but I am way behind in my reading. :-(