various things

First of all, against the idea of free will (that I still champion):
What about those times when you're driving, and you dissociate, and you get home without really realizing you've gone anywhere? I mean, who made the decision to turn the car? In a way it was you, but in a way it really wasn't you...

Today at my job I was doing a gel eletrophoresis and the post-doc I work with spent five minutes explaining to me why I should put the first samples in the wells closest to the positive electrode (ethidium bromide runs to the negative electrode, so if you put the samples in the bottom well all of it runs off of the top half of the gel so then you can't really use the top wells and you waste half the gel). With this is mind, when she went off to her computer again, I picked up my micropipetter and thought, okay, that makes sense, use the top wells, and then promply proceded to very carefully put in two ladders and two samples in the bottom wells before I realized my mistake. What happened there? Where was the error in my thought that allowed me to so blatantly think one thing and do another and not even realize it right away?

On another note, I read that the incident in which the paralyzed man could walk again after the brown recluse spider bite was a miscorrelation and that really the man was just doing better and having to go to the hospital for the spider bite made the doctors realize he was doing better. Because I know brown recluses have necrotic venom that doesn't really act on the nervous system, that really does make more sense than this miraculous story that I initially believed. However, I still want to have hope because if it were possible to isolate some kind of neurotoxin that could cure paralysis, that would be a miracle. And my neuroscience lab teacher told me that as brown recluse spider venom acts on the immune system, it is possible that it could somehow affect inflammation, and inflammation can be the cause of paralysis. So I still want to believe.

I should get more sleep because the other day I was with my boyfriend, and I showed him how to say "I love you" in sign language, ane then he asked how to say "very much." So I tried to see if I could spell it and I signed, "V-E-R-R-Y M-U-C-H" and he said, "R-R? Really?" and I said, "Yes, V-E-R-R-Y M-U-C-H" while signing and again he said, "R-R?" and then I realized I'm an idiot but I told him he goes to Harvard, he's the one that has to know how to spell. I have no such obligation. All I have to know how to do is integrate.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE RAT BRAIN: There is this thing called Cre-recombinase (I think it was an enzyme but don't quote me) that when injected into the brain can cause cells to express receptors for diptheria toxin. So scientists genetically combined (or something; sorry, details are sketchy as I fell asleep during the discussion at this lab meeting) this Cre thing with Creb, something that is actively involved in the LTP etc. in memory formation. So then you get cells that have diptheria toxin receptors (cells in mice normally don't have that receptor) that are more involved in memory formation.

So what you do is you inject this into mice or rats I guess, and then you fear condition them with a shock foot-plate or something. Then the next day you inject diptheria toxin into some of the mice and nothing into othes (or whatever appropriate control is necessary), and you do context or tone extinction or whatever it is you paired with the shock. So when scientists did this, they found that the control rats showed freezing and all of the other fear behaviors in the same context because their conditioning created the fear memory in them. But they found that the rats that were given the toxin didn't show any sign of a fear memory at all. And the reason is that the toxin selectively killed the cells that were involved in the memory formation during fear conditioning.

Obviously there are a lot of problems with this, but I still find it kind of frightening that we already know how to lesion out memories. It's super awesomely cool, but I'm not sure I agree with it. Actually, sometimes I'm not even sure I agree with the research I'm doing. my lab is trying to find ways of eliminating memories that lead to PTSD. But I think that eliminating those memories isn't the answer; we are who we are because of our memories. However, any research that shows how to decrease the negative effects of PTSD is good.

At amnesty intnerational the other day we were talking about North Korea and I raelly got this feeling like I dont' care much about my life, I really want to dedicate it to others. So I'd really like to do Peace Corps or Doctors without Borders, but for Doctors without Borders you need some international volunteer experience to be considered. I have a friend that has managed to get all these opportunities (she's in a health development class so she's going to Nicaragua on Monday for spring break to help with technology development, and she's going to Africa for a month over the summer to help implement the project her Engineers Without Borders group has created, and she's not even an engineer, she's a bio major), but I can never seem to find them. However, I really have a strong desire to donate my life to the betterment of others.

On a last note, I went to a lecture by Chomsky and this economics guy and a former mayor in Venezeula last night. And the mayor had some interesting things to say about socialism implementation in Venezuela and how grass roots socialism can mesh with the authoritarian regime of Chavez. However, the economist guy spent an hour talking about how we have to get rid of classes and wage differences etc etc etc, and while I agree with all of that, I find talks about it kind of stupid. Because he told us that we shoudln't settle for goals that were anything less than goals about throwing over the government and building a socialist USA, but really, does that seem realistic in this day and age? And also the only method of implementation that he provided was strikes. And sure strikes are good for the labor force, but they're not going to cause a socialist revolution and a classless society. I think we should work on more important things right now. If it's classless society or bust, lots of impoverished people are going to die before the time in the incredibly distant future when the US even becomes a tiny bit near such a revolution. I think it's important to deal with the way things are now, and to fix what is practical and feasible to fix. That is why I liked listening to Yunis talk but didn't like to hear that guy who wrote that book about escaping poverty... I can't remember his name... anyway his ideas are about changing single villages in Africa and such until Africa is miraculously fixed, and I just don't see that happening. We have what we have. Socialist revolution, as much as I agree with it, is not imminent. And sometimes stubborn idealism just leads to a lot of suffering that could be alleviated with compromise (like the Pope still disagreeing with condoms in Africa where everyone is getting AIDS... sometimes a little compromise could save a lot of lives).

As for Chomsky, his remarks were interesting but nothing spectacular. I liked his talk last year about the media and international relations a bit better, but I don't think he does a lot of work on grassroots socialism in Venezuela. Funnily he was wearing the same sweater as the last time I saw him, I think.

I sent him an email last year, you know, with an essay I wrote about why his thoery of media made communism impossible. I didn't expect him to write back, and of course he didn't really like my essay since I think he's a fan of communism and doesn't want to hear that his own theory disproves it. And I'm sure he knows more about his own theory than I do, so really I defer. He invited me to come talk to him about it, but seriously, go talk to Chomsky alone? The man's a philosophy and political genius, and I just have the humble beginnings of philosophical knowledge and the even more humble beginnings of political intuition. I would be destroyed in a discussion. Also, I have lacked the discipline to actually finish a book by him. It would be insulting of me to go talk to him now. But still, it's nice knowing that he read it, and maybe he won't forget the stupid college student that threatened his thoeries about media. Whenever I see him speak, though, I always wonder if he remembers my email.

Anyway, on a very last note, I finished the book I started writing last year. It's 130,000 words, which is apparently between "Kite Runner" and "Moby Dick" in length, but closer thank goodness to "Kite Runner." I hope it is not boring. A friend of mine is going to read it over spring break. I'm a little scared. I'm entering it in a contest at my school though, and hopefully I"ll get a little money for it. I'm banking on the fact that nobody else at my insane school has time to write novels so the entries into the novel-writing division of the contest will be sparse. I've managed to win awards before, and really it's a nice way to earn money. Someday I'll try to get it published, but not today. I don't have time or money for an agent.

Last, last note- on Sri Lanka- I know the government claims the Tamil Tigers are defeated, but I don't really think the violence will stop. The government needs to be a little more accoutable about the nature of the rebellion or really it's just going to keep rising up again in the form of suicide bombers etc.

Okay I really am done now. Sorry this post was anything but contiguous.